Young Couples & Singles Fellowship

Lesson - December 4, 2004

Love is Self Seeking 

Pastor Tom Holladay

Welcome everyone to our session 5 of the Love Series.  We're looking at 1 Corinthian 13 on "Love is not self-seeking".  As I was thinking about that this week, I thought of an old story about a mother who was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5 and Ryan, 3.  The two boys began to argue about who would get the first pancake.  Their mother saw this as a great opportunity for a moral lesson, and so this tender thing happened.  She said to her two sons, "If Jesus was sitting here, He would say, 'I won't be selfish, I'd let my brother let the first pancake, I can wait.' ".  And so, Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus."  It's not quite at all what the mother was expecting..

How can you and I be like Jesus in the choice to be unselfish? To have that kind of love, is to have the kind of love that is not self-seeking.  Please open your Bible to Philippians chapter 2, verses 3 to 11 (NIV):

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. 4 Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.

  PHP 2:5 Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:

 

  PHP 2:6 Who, being in very nature God,

    did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,

  PHP 2:7 but made himself nothing,

    taking the very nature of a servant,

    being made in human likeness.

  PHP 2:8 And being found in appearance as a man,

    he humbled himself

    and became obedient to death--

    even death on a cross!

  PHP 2:9 Therefore God exalted him to the highest place

    and gave him the name that is above every name,

  PHP 2:10 that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,

    in heaven and on earth and under the earth,

  PHP 2:11 and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord,

    to the glory of God the Father."

The Bible gives us an attitude of not self-seeking, an attitude of humility, that you and I can find in Jesus Christ.  The Bible tells us some things to say "no" to and some things to say "yes" to and then it tells us how. 

It says, "Say no to ambition", that's the what's in it for me, attitude.  By the way, this Greek word, "ambition" began as a word that meant to work for wages.  But it grew to mean, over the years, to work only for the wages, only for the gain that could come to me.  Some of us have taken the exact, same journey.  It's the, "what's in it for me" mentality.  It seems, sometimes, when you think of this thing of ambition, and there are godly kinds of ambition and I'm not talking about that, I'm talking about an ambition of "what's in it for me".

It seems like this is the way it adds up.  Ambition equals success, equals happiness.  And, it may look like that way on the outside, but you don't have to talk to very many people to find out on the inside that it works this way:  Ambition equals selfishness, equals depression.  Because a focus on self always adds up to depression.  So, the Bible says to say "no" to ambition. 

Secondly, say no to "conceit".  That's the "Who is noticing me"  attitude.  Remember what Jesus said about those who do everything so that others will notice?  He said that those people have their reward in full.  I don't want to get my reward in full on this earth just by some other person's notice.  I want a reward that lasts and I want a reward that impacts other people's lives. 

Philippians also tells us some things to say "yes" to.  Say "yes" to the importance of others.  Look very carefully at what the Bible has to say, "….. but in humility consider others better than yourselves"  More important?  Really? 

Some of us are pretty good at looking at ourselves as less important, let's be honest, at putting ourselves down.  Others of us are good at considering others moderately important, some of the time.  But neither of those is the attitude here.  The attitude here is considering others, more important.  I'm important, you're important, but, they are more important. 

Remember that old formula for joy?  Jesus first, then others, then you. J.O.Y. (Jesus, others, you).  It's biblical.  Jesus is the most important.  Others are more important and I am important, we're all important in God's sight.  Joy really comes into our lives when we consider others to be more important.  Because, then, you don't have to have everything go right in your life to have joy. 

If I went around your group, and have people raise their hands if they had a good week, bad week.  I would guess that there are some in your group that had a terrible week.  But, consider this, if only one in the 10 or 15 in your group, had a great week, you can all get joy from that if you consider others as more important.  If you're the only one that's important, then the focus would have to be on you. 

The Bible also tells us in Philippians, to say "yes" to interests of others.  Not only that they are important, but their interests, the specific needs that they have in their life.  You and I need to focus on how we can think about, not only what we need but what other people need. 

I recently read a story about a Chinese farmer who had a neighbor drained his field by breaking the dike.  These fields had to be filled with water just about every other day.  And his rice had dried in the sun and he had to deal with this problem that he had.  He first repaired his dike, and then he filled his neighbor's fields that needed water, and then he filled his own.  As a Christian, this man was a believer, he was saying in a humble action of love, this is what Jesus is like.  This is how to act in love. 

Now, my fear is that in America, our first response is to sue our neighbor, rather than to serve our neighbor.  It's easy to say, "yes, they're important", but to look after someone else's interests?  Even to someone that has not treated me as I would want to be treated?  That's an entire different way of living.    Look not only for your interests, but also for the interests of others. 

I love the way Chuck Swindoll makes this practical when speaking on this passage.  He said, "Looking out for the interests of others, that means the choice traffic spot, who is going to get it.  When the plate of steaks comes, who is going to get the best, or who gets to choose the TV channel" And more seriously about this, he said, "marriage separation inevitably breakdown to selfishness.  Somebody, somewhere, was selfish."  

So, say "no" to ambition and conceit and say "yes" to the importance in the interests of others.  Now, all of us know that it's a great idea, but the question is, how?

How do I choose to be selfless?  How do I choose a love that is not self-seeking?  Jesus Christ shows us the way.  In Matthew 11:29 Jesus says,

" Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

In Philippians 2:5, the Bible says, " Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus"

What attitude was that?  Look in verses 6-10:

" Who, being in very nature God,

    did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,

  PHP 2:7 but made himself nothing,

    taking the very nature of a servant,

    being made in human likeness.

  PHP 2:8 And being found in appearance as a man,

    he humbled himself

    and became obedient to death--

      even death on a cross!

  PHP 2:9 Therefore God exalted him to the highest place

    and gave him the name that is above every name,

  PHP 2:10 that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,

    in heaven and on earth and under the earth,"

You see, in these verses, three choices that Jesus made in order to be selfless and have a selfless kind of love.  They're not easy choices, they're the same choices that you and I need to make.  He shows us how by the three things He did:

#1.  He emptied Himself.

This next verse I've taken from the New American Standard Bible because it gives you the literal meaning of that word He "emptied Himself" and became as a man." 

"Who although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, PHP 2:7 but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. Philippians 2:6,7 (NASB)

Jesus made the choice to say "no" to all the blessings of heaven, to all the joys of heaven and to become a human being to be born as a baby.  Can you imagine the incredible humility that was a part of that choice.  If Jesus had only been concerned about Himself, He could have never made that choice. 

And so, He emptied Himself, He said "no" to Himself and He chose to come and serve others.  Now, let me put that in a very practical way, I need to make a choice to stop taking ourselves so seriously.  Sometimes, our self-importance is what catches us.  It always leads to selfishness.  It always leads to indulgence in our lives. 

We need to see ourselves as less important by seeing really the importance of how God is at work in our lives.  You need to be to smile at yourself even at great things that God is doing in your life and realize, 'It's God who's doing it, without Him doing that, it wouldn't be happening.'  This is the way to deal in living a great life, but also continue to have a selfless attitude.

One of the dangers in God using your life in a great way, is you begin to become selfish.  You became taking yourself too importantly.  I like what Samuel Morris had to say about the invention of the Telegraph.  He said, "I've made a valuable application of electricity, not because I'm superior to other men, but solely because God had meant it for mankind, and He must reveal it to someone, and He was pleased to reveal it to me."  That is not taking yourself too seriously.

I like what George Washington Carver, do you remember the scientist who developed hundreds of useful products from a peanut, had to say.  He said, "When I was young, I said to God, 'God, tell me the mystery of the universe' but God answered, 'That knowledge is reserved for Me alone.'.  And so I said to God, 'God, tell me the mystery of the peanut' and God answered, 'Well, George, that's more nearly your size.' He told me."

That's not taking yourself too seriously.  We need to emptied ourselves of that part of ourselves that says, "I'm the most important" and realize that every part, every person in God's creation is important and God wants to use us to make an impact.  First, you have to emptied yourself, you have to realize, "God's going to meet my needs, I don't need to take myself too seriously, so I can meet other people's needs, I can choose to be selfless."

The second choice that Jesus made, He emptied Himself, and then He obeyed.

#2.  He obeyed

"He humbled Himself and became obedient to the point of death." Philippians 2:8 (NIV)

Once you've set aside your selfish concerns, it is much easier to obey God.  Because you'll realize that no one has your best interest at heart more than God does.  That He cares about what you need.  He cares about your needs that can be met in a practical and living way.  Here's the question, when it comes to living a selfless life, what is your next act of obedience?  Don't look at others around in the group and think, 'What is his next step of obedience, or hers'.  It's a lot easier to think about how other people need to obey God than you, yourself.  

What is your next step of obedience?  When you ask God that question honestly, and when you ask Him for the strength to live out that question, that's when you begin to live a selfless life.  Obeying God always leads to living a life that's selfless.  The third thing that happened to Jesus,

#3.  He was exalted

"Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is

above every name,"  Phillipians 2:9 (NIV)

And you're thinking, "Well, that's great for Jesus but what about me?"  Well, what does the Bible has to say about us?  Let's take a look:

"For whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted."  Matthew 23:12 (NIV)

Whoever humbles himself will be exalted!  Even in our lives, when you and I make the choice to be selfless, God exalts us out of that.  Humble yourself and you're exalted.  There's an active verb in that something we do, humble yourself, there's also a passive verb in that something's done to us, we are exalted.  The choice we make is the choice of humility. 

Everyday, you and I face the simple test of greatness:  Exalt yourself or Humble yourself.  Some people thinks that choice is all with God, but it's not.  Jesus says, "Whoever exalts himself", we get to make the choice.  Jesus didn't just teach this, He exemplified this when He went to the cross and gave His life for us so that you and I could know what real life is all about. 

"Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up."  James 4:10

When you make the choice to be selfless, God promises to meet your needs.  Do you ever worry when you make a choice to be selfless, 'Who's going to meet my needs, how is it going to happen?'  When you make the choice to be selfless, God promises to meet your needs. 

Now, the power to make that choice to be selfless is found in three words:

Jesus Is Lord.

That is an unchangeable fact, every knee will bow, every tongue will confess, that Jesus Christ is Lord.  This world and this universe were not created so that my will could be done, so that your will could be done.  They were created so that His Will could be done and it will.  He is Lord and when you're able to say those three words, you're able to find the power to make the choice to become selfless. 

My question as we end this, What do you need to do to say those three words?  Maybe you need to surrender, maybe you need to say, "I give up, I give up my plans, I give up my way, Jesus is Lord."   Maybe you need to trust.  Maybe you need to say, "I trust you, God, like I never have before to be at work in my life."  Maybe you just need to stop procrastinating and say, "I'll start now, I know what I need to do and I will start now."

Let's pray together:

"Jesus, Christ, we recognize that You are Lord and we do, deep down, want to make the choice to be selfless but it's hard, it's difficult, it's a lifetime of growth.  Help us to make a step this week in that lifetime of growth by saying one circumstance, one place where we could choose because we trust you.  We know how much You love us and we know You'll meet our needs but we can choose a choice to be selfless, we can make a choice to love like You love.  Give us the strength to do this by Your power.  We praise You in Your name, Amen.

 

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